When I began medical school in July of 2010, my husband and I had every intention of living apart for two years. At my school the first two years must be spent on the main campus, and for the last two you could remain there or switch to a smaller campus in a different city (which happens to be where I'm from). My husband and the kids would maintain their stability in our old city, and I would only move away for the first two years, coming back to be with them for the last two. Sure, we knew it would be rough only seeing each other on the weekends and getting by with "skyping" during the week. But they would have plenty of help with extended family who lived nearby, and I would have the entire week to myself to study. I could spend the weekends just being "mommy". I even had a friend who had done the same thing a few years ago, and it worked out in the end for her and her family.
Well, that plan was much better in theory than in practice. Yes, I did have loads of study time during the week. I was satisfied with my academic performance, so I was able to study very little on the weekends and focus on the family, giving my husband a much-needed break. I spent those weekends caring for the kids, doing laundry, and cooking meals for an entire week or two at a time. But when it was time to make my 5 am drive back to school every Monday morning, I was exhausted.
There is something special about the entire family being together every day. Seeing your smiling sleepy-eyed kids every morning. Having dinner together every night. Spending time with your husband every night after the kids go to bed, even if you are making flash cards at the same time. Not feeling like you have to cram an entire week of togetherness into two short days, on top of the laundry and the cooking. I was jealous of my married classmates who complained that their spouses weren't giving them enough space so they could study. You have to be with your spouse every day in order to have that problem.
We knew we wanted to have our third child during medical school, but when we found out we were expecting, we realized that we were not as okay with living apart as we thought we would be. How would I finish the school year by myself with a newborn? While my husband did an amazing job with the kids by himself, how would he be able to take care of two young kids and an infant by himself the following year without going crazy?
In the end, our prayers were answered. My husband found a great job, and we found a wonderful daycare for the kids. After a few stressful weeks of packing, moving day finally came. The entire family was together again, for good, just before Valentine's Day. In my opinion, it was the best Valentine's Day ever.
So how does the story end? The baby was born 4 weeks early but perfectly healthy. My test scores fell slightly but it was worth the extra time spent with my family. We finally got the stacks of boxes unpacked. I survived my first year of medical school and overall I did much better than I had expected.
I have to keep telling myself that, while it feels like I just finished running a marathon, it's only the beginning. Second year is a whole new race. And board exams and clinical rotations are looming on the horizon.
Runners, take your mark.
No comments:
Post a Comment